Another Paddy's Day under our tightened belts and I have slowly come to realise there are only a few weeks of procrastination left. Faced with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach because the 'end is nigh' I am plagued with the question 'What will I do for four months?' Will my brain turn to mush because I will stop academically abusing it and allow myself to read for pleasure and maybe even watch a little chewing gum telly!
I suppose, seeing as I have come this far, it is safe to say that life as a mature student is not all that bad. The fear of the unknown (if I actually had a brain and whether or not it might be operational) has subsided and a whole lot of other fears have jumped in to fill that empty void. The fear of failure.
Summer exam timetables have been posted and although I only have three exams (German/Spanish/English Literature) the dry mouthed anxiety is creeping into my (mushy) brain and I have a feeling it will be making itself at home for the next 45 days until summer break begins.
It is not like I have missed that many classes (almost none actually) and the reality is I have handed in all assignments on time and the grades are not too shabby. I think it is a clear case of 'Keeping up with the Joneses'. You know, the group of pals you hook up with when you attend University. You drink endless amounts of caffeinated (or alcoholic OR even better caffeinated alcoholic) drinks with them and discuss your next crises on a daily basis.
My mother has a great saying that she has preached to me for the last 21+ years (hey, if Rory thinks I am still twenty one, then I am playing that card as long as I can!)
'Show me your company and I will tell you WHO you are'.
Well Mother, you can rest assured that the friends I have magnetised with are no longer plying for the pass, but wondering exactly what grade is needed to get honours and 1st distinction...Yikes!
I suppose (in this case) peer pressure is not a bad thing after all! I mean if all the others are aiming that high maybe it is time to review my outlook on life and step it up a little? I have always had low expectations of myself. SAD.com, I know, but it is easy this way. If I set my expectations on med-low, then I am (and have been) rarely disappointed in life. But now, perhaps, it is time to grow up a little and actually achieve a little more. Maybe even start to think that I am capable of more. (Damn, that last birthday pushed me over the edge).
Knowing that setting higher expectations for myself can lead to disastrous devastation if I do not obtain that grade or publish that piece, but I am still a very easy-going kind of gal, so I reckon:
Although there have been a few weird casualties this semester and I have had to spend a lot longer mulling over my future subject choices (because I love both German/Spanish and have to drop one in September) at least I have that to complain about. Things at home have settled down and although they do not like my mental absence (or my physical absence for that matter) they are dealing with it in a loving way - by pulling more than their own weight. (Be it little, I am thankful).
Knowing that my family are keeping a close eye on me (and my grades - yes Mother, I am talking about you) keeps the pressure on, and will hopefully scare me straight out of the procrastination chair and right into the studious one.
That said, with all of us having some time off at Easter, I hope to flood your inboxes with a few current photos of the kids and Chef at play as we fire up the pizza oven, cut the grass and make room for a few more chicks n' hens in our coop!
Those are all the WiseWords I have for today!
WiseMóna
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