I'm so lonely I could cry

Oh woe is me. I am only three days into the second semester and I want to run home crying. And stay there. I cannot say I have felt this way about 'being in college' since making the decision two years ago to get myself an education. So, maybe this was bound to happen sooner or later, I don't know.

This is a week of change for all students. Most classes are in different locations, at different times and with different teachers. No worries here. We are in college to learn for gawds sake - change is good, right?

Well, maybe it is, but here I find myself racing around the campus trying to find all these classes and feeling like a...well, feeling like a first year. I have umpteen 'class clashes' and now every department head knows full well who this 'WiseMóna' is because I have had to go cap-in-hand asking for special permissions to get into a new times slot or out of an existing one. 

To add to my level of insanity and to explain the title of this blog post, ALL my friends are off doing other subjects and other modules, so I have to sit in class with no-one to talk to. 

SAD.com, I know. But, in saying that, I am making no effort to recruit new friends either. I do not have time to nurture and grow a new gang of friends, especially since I cannot find time to maintain the relationships with the ones I already have! 

So, with all this doom and gloom (and I should mention it is bucketing down rain outside too) how can we find the silver lining on the cloud? Well, I have a little silver lining stashed away and it is all I need to motivate myself to keep plodding along and get through the next twelve weeks before I have my lovely long (four months worth) of summer holidays.

Silver Lining Project = 3rd year of College

Shocker, I know. Here I am complaining about being back in college but cannot WAIT to get started on 3rd year. Why, I hear you ask?

This creative writing degree course I am enrolled in is fairly new and fabulous. The classes are teeny tiny with only 15 students so we develop a great peer group to work within. Each of us have the option (September 2011) to 'Live the life of a Writer' and swan off into the sunset and write our novel.......editor provided and paid for by the university. It is a pass or fail class. 

You pass if you write your book, work professionally and proficiently within all the guidelines and deadlines your editor gives you and finish the book. 

You fail if you do not. 

NO PRESSURE HERE!

Of course, if you are just not ready to swan off into the sunset and write your novel, then you can enrole in a few film production and screen play writing classes right here on campus at NUIG and who would not want to take advantage of that?

Right before Christmas, if you were serious about the swanning off to write your book part, then you had to turf up a good 3,000 - 5,000 words of your book showing the outline and concept of said book in order to convince your teacher you 'had what it took' to go it ALONE for 3rd year. 

So there you have it guys n' dolls. I am going it alone. I have a decent chunk of the book already written and am bursting at the seams to get stuck in and just WRITE. OK, that might have been a slight exaggeration considering all I really have are a bunch of really cool food n' farm pictures and some recipes thrown together in a very cool PINK folder. 

I do not care. 

I AM VERY EXCITED. 

I am also terrified. 

Those are all the WiseWords I have for today,

WiseMóna

Early Summer Sun

Fluid foggy clouds rolled by,

my window this early morn.

Smothered sun was dense and thick,

and the rooster, a new day did warn.

Cool and dampness slowly drifted,

blazing bright blue skies.

April sunshine bestows its heat,

Dear Ireland, heaves happy sighs.

I may have more to say later!

WiseMóna

If I could rule the world . . .

Another Paddy's Day under our tightened belts and I have slowly come to realise there are only a few weeks of procrastination left. Faced with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach because the 'end is nigh' I am plagued with the question 'What will I do for four  months?' Will my brain turn to mush because I will stop academically abusing it and allow myself to read for pleasure and maybe even watch a little chewing gum telly!

I suppose, seeing as I have come this far, it is safe to say that life as a mature student is not all that bad. The fear of the unknown (if I actually had a brain and whether or not it might be operational) has subsided and a whole lot of other fears have jumped in to fill that empty void. The fear of failure.

Summer exam timetables have been posted and although I only have three exams (German/Spanish/English Literature) the dry mouthed anxiety is creeping into my (mushy) brain and I have a feeling it will be making itself at home for the next 45 days until summer break begins. 

It is not like I have missed that many classes (almost none actually) and the reality is I have handed in all assignments on time and the grades are not too shabby. I think it is a clear case of 'Keeping up with the Joneses'. You know, the group of pals you hook up with when you attend University. You drink endless amounts of caffeinated (or alcoholic OR even better caffeinated alcoholic) drinks with them and discuss your next crises on a daily basis. 

My mother has a great saying that she has preached to me for the last 21+ years (hey, if Rory thinks I am still twenty one, then I am playing that card as long as I can!)

 'Show me your company and I will tell you WHO you are'. 

Well Mother, you can rest assured that the friends I have magnetised with are no longer plying for the pass, but wondering exactly what grade is needed to get honours and 1st distinction...Yikes!

I suppose (in this case) peer pressure is not a bad thing after all! I mean if all the others are aiming that high maybe it is time to review my outlook on life and step it up a little? I have always had low expectations of myself. SAD.com, I know, but it is easy this way. If I set my expectations on med-low, then I am (and have been) rarely disappointed in life. But now, perhaps, it is time to grow up a little and actually achieve a little more. Maybe even start to think that I am capable of more. (Damn, that last birthday pushed me over the edge).

Knowing that setting higher expectations for myself can lead to disastrous devastation if I do not obtain that grade or publish that piece, but I am still a very easy-going kind of gal, so I reckon: 

Although there have been a few weird casualties this semester and I have had to spend a lot longer mulling over my future subject choices (because I love both German/Spanish and have to drop one in September) at least I have that to complain about. Things at home have settled down and although they do not like my mental absence (or my physical absence for that matter) they are dealing with it in a loving way - by pulling more than their own weight. (Be it little, I am thankful).

Knowing that my family are keeping a close eye on me (and my grades - yes Mother, I am talking about you) keeps the pressure on, and will hopefully scare me straight out of the procrastination chair and right into the studious one.

That said, with all of us having some time off at Easter, I hope to flood your inboxes with a few current photos of the kids and Chef at play as we fire up the pizza oven, cut the grass and make room for a few more chicks n' hens in our coop!

Those are all the WiseWords I have for today!

WiseMóna

“Actually, I am hung-over, and I forgot to bring my props”... Olaf Tyaransen

“Actually, I am hung-over, and I forgot to bring my props”... Olaf Tyaransen

An honest way to greet a classroom full of eager creative writing students. Rambling on through the first half of our hour with Olaf Tyaransen, both he and the rest of the class wondered when he would get finished reciting his Wikipedia page entry and get down to some of the nitty gritty details of his glamorous job as a novelist and long standing writer for Hotpress (http://www.hotpress.com/). I’ve heard it stated that in order to reap the financial rewards in journalism you have to have one hell of a work ethic and a huge ego. After meeting Olaf Tyaransen, I am not sure there is any ego left to go around.

Lesson number one: Persistence

Expelled from school before sitting his leaving cert, Olaf managed to make a name for himself by doing something that he loved. He reviewed bands and sent the unsolicited reviews to his local rag. They did not want them but eventually, they started paying him ten pounds a review. With a lengthy laundry list of ‘famous people interviewed by Olaf’ under his buckle, I would say persistence, paid in full.

Lesson number two: Pleasure

An avid legislator for legalisation of Cannabis in the nineties, and still an avid smoker of the weed, this poet did not mince words when it came to bragging about how great he is. With no academic education to fall back on, Olaf was given a taste of what life ‘could be like’ when he was flown on his first press junket to New York City. He was only twenty one years of age. Doing what you love, paid in full.

Lesson number three: Gobshite of the Year award goes to?

This one is quite easy folks; it would never be awarded to the talented Mr. Tyaransen. He can write, he is passionate enough to put his money where his mouth is (working for free), he ran for elected office, because he believed in something and was not afraid to stand up for that belief no matter what the outcome – he took a chance!. He does not care what we (or the rest of the universe) think about him. All he cares about right now is his next big story (hopefully with David Bowie), finding warmer digs in Cuba and possibly having a few more kids.

Be bold, write with ego. If you do not think you are great, no one else will!

(on a side note, as of January 2010, David Bowie is looking fine. Maybe a little puffy – but for a 62 yr old man not too bad!)

That is all the WiseWords I have for today!
 
WiseMóna